Today I went over to Terri’s to watch the first episode of the TBL
together. I watched it with mixed emotions. I found myself struggling with the
realisation that this could have been me; I scrutinized everything about the
show and imagined myself in place of one of the members in the white team.
Vanity appeared from out of nowhere as I considered, what’s so
interesting about that contestant? Why are they a better option than me? I’m
more attractive than her… aren’t I? My
inner dialogue tonight sounds more like my inner child has chucked a massive tantrum.
I flicked occasional glances in Terri’s direction and tested a few comments. I
could sense her disappointment but I wasn’t sure she’d be feeling the same way,
the same arrogance and self pity. When the show ended there wasn't much left to say, we were deflated. It’s
hard to even imagine that both of us had come so close to something that seemed
so unreal now that we were watching it on TV.
I left Terri’s feeling hollow, cheated and unimportant. I tried to shake
it off and think of the positives of not getting in… momentarily I’ve forgotten
what those are.
Later Taters xxx
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