Popcorn and Poop!

I know I know where have I been??? I hear that mother like tone in all your voices :) I’ve been MIA for days… But fret not; it was not for having fallen off the wagon this time, no scratched knees or bruises to report woot!

I’ve actually been doing quite well but the new school year just started and I’ve been so busy planning lessons and preparing my classroom that blogging has had to take a back seat. So long holidays, heeeellloooo real life :(.

I’ve been very, very organised when it comes to my new diet or rather lifestyle plan and I think that’s really behind my success so far. The weight loss is slow this time which is tedious, but I also know how much better for you it is to lose weight slowly. I’m almost 4 kilos down in almost 4 weeks so that’s ok.

It hasn’t been all plain sailing and perfect, I have hit a few potholes along the way (in fact I had a minor blow out today that I’m about to confess) but otherwise have been more consistent than not.

I’ve been thinking about movie popcorn and Maltesers for days, ever since I went to the movies with my friend Jen. We went to see “The Impossible” (I bawled like a baby all the way through) and in between sobs I yearned to reach down and scoop a big handful of the girls popcorn in front of me.

You’ll be pleased to know I have some restraint, so would that girl if she knew what I was thinking ;).

Anywho I planned to go to the cinema this week to see “Safe Haven” and I knew I would want some. I looked up the calories for both the popcorn and a bag of malteasers in advance and decided I would go to the movies at lunch time, eat them for lunch and fit them into my calorie allowance.

I felt guilty as soon as I sat down with my scrummy feast and then a lady sat in front of me and whipped out a bag of grapes and water. C’mon, as if I wasn’t feeling bad enough already!! But I’d paid $15 for my little binge so started eating it anyway. I was conflicted with every handful that went into my mouth. I made excuses like “I’ve made room for this in my day” but really we all know I shouldn’t have had it, it wasn’t just a little taste of something, I was definitely overindulging. After the movie I felt terrible… not only mentally but physically too. My guts did not feel well at all, it was churning pretty badly and I struggled to sit through the end of the movie without thinking about how much I needed the loo.

(If you’re eating while reading this I suggest you finish your mouthful for this next bit…)

I rushed to the bathroom as soon as the movie was over. I had really bad tummy pains but it wasn’t until I was on my way home after the supermarket that I realised things were about to get really ugly. The diarrhoea was terrible. I’m not sure if it’s an issue I have with popcorn or a combo of the popcorn, diet coke and chocolate but it’s not the first time that’s happened after the cinema. Maybe it was just too much crap on my stomach in one hit? Either way it wasn’t pretty and even now I’m sitting here with my bottle of water and still feel crampy. I think next time I’m tempted to have a binge on something I need to think back to this moment and remember how crap I feel… it really wasn’t worth it this time.

So lets take a look at …

The negatives:
I felt disappointed in myself.
I felt yucky in the tummy.
I got diarreah.

The positives:
I didn’t eat all the popcorn.
I didn’t eat all the Maltesers.
I’ve potentially pooed out some of the calories already.
I’ll think twice before slipping up next time.

It’s important for me to celebrate the positives here, there’s no point getting all down and defeated now, it’s too late and that’s not going to change anything. If I get too upset I know what I'm like, I 'll ruin the rest of the day. Besides there are some small wins to acknowledge like… I normally have a really hard time with stopping and leaving food. I will usually continue to eat so long as there is food in front of me. I ate ¾ of the packet of Maltesers and just over a quarter of the popcorn.

Earlier in the week my friend Megan made Red Velvet Whoopie Pies with a Salted Caramel filling… yep I KNOW!! My two favourite desert flavours in one magical combination arrrrgghhhhh! She sent me home with two big ones and I really, reeeaaally wanted them. The more I thought about them the more I thought about how much I shouldn’t eat them so I left Tim (my housemate) a note telling him to eat them and I went to bed as my avoidance tactic. The next day they were still in the fridge after work, but he was home soon enough and polished both of them off in one foul swoop.
I was beside myself watching him eat them, which was yet another confirmation of my unhealthy relationship with food, so too is the fact that I’m still thinking about them 2 days on.

I am proud though that I handed them over. I’m trying desperately to look better in a dress I have on hold for Jen’s 30th party in two weeks. It fits but it’s tight in some places I wish it wasn’t. I would get the next size up, an XL but when I tried that one on I saw I’d have to get a lot of the bust area taken in (not normally an issue for me as I have ginormous boobs), so I went with the Large as overall it was a better fit, just slightly too tight, so a little uncomfortable and highlights my back fat.

Now just to find a cardigan to cover my arms. I hate, hate, hate my arms and ever since I was 16 years old they’ve been clad in cardi’s or jackets or anything that will cover them up. In summer I’m that girl who’d rather swelter away than expose my big flabby bat wings. One day I dream of wearing a dress with spaghetti straps or dare I say it… a strapless number without shame. But the 2nd of March will not be that day so instead I have the impossible task of finding a cardigan that doesn’t dress down the dress.

Well best be off to prepare dinner I guess. Will try to check in again soon xx