To blog or not to blog? That is the question...

Hello my name is Aimee and I’m addicted to being FAT.

I am a food junkie and master of exercise avoidance.

food junk·ie n.
Omnivore obsessed with knowing where the next morsel of sustenance will come from and in what form it will take.

I am a self confessed, self indulgent, self saboteur who frequently suffers from severe cases of the shoulda coulda woulda’s.

But that’s it, I’ve had enough. I’m here in a desperate attempt to win the battle against my inner coach potato.

I read somewhere that…

"Unless you're prepared to make a change in the present, your future can only reflect your past".

So here I am trying to create a new future for myself …again.

The idea has been suggested to me (on more than one occasion) that being overweight is my choice, that if I really wanted it badly enough I would have done something about it by now. This used to make me so incredibly mad. The supposed payoffs I gain from having lived my life in this permanent fat suit, could never compare to my imagined happiness as a healthy and socially acceptable weight.

It’s disturbing to recall what a massive role (pun intended) being massive has played in my life. Though not highly religious now, as a child I prayed to God and begged him to help me get thin. I bargained anything from good behaviour to sacrificing various pleasures. I remember wishing on dandelions, birthday candles, and the first stars I saw at night, always for the same thing. I imagined being able transform with the twitch of my nose like Samantha on Bewitched.

I developed weird obsessive behaviours from a young age too. I would work out on my dad’s gym equipment, threw away my lunches at school, often ate in secret and for a time I religiously sculled 3 litres of water in one go before bed. These are only a few of the strange rituals I would engage in from time to time. Many of these habits over the years have manifested into behaviours that closely resemble some kind of disorder.

I’m not exactly sure about this blogging thing yet, but I desperately need some kind of outlet for my internal dialogue. In the past I’ve kept numerous exercise books to record my weight loss attempts. Most of the time they are filled with the cold hard facts and figures, perhaps even a drawing or two depicting areas I need to work on or what I want to look like. I’ve been known to spend hours on end trawling internet weight loss program sites, visiting “before and after” pictures, reading success stories, researching surgery sites and reading product reviews. I’ve spent a heap of time in the magazine aisle of the supermarket doing the same. If there’s a weight watchers transformation story I identify with, I’ll buy the magazine and scrutinise it a million times over. The health and exercise section in bookshops are the same for me and as you might expect, anything weight related is a must see on TV.

I could prattle on for ages about my weight…and sometimes I do. I see my friends eyes glaze over and sense their internal groan “Oh no really…again”.  But for me it’s all consuming, it’s been that way for years; I’m trapped on this accelerating carousel, reaching out for a sick bag. 

So now I’m here and the purpose of this blog is to create an environment where I can best voice my weight related thoughts, experiences and fixations to those who choose to listen. If I was to be truly honest, I also hope that it becomes a place that documents my own triumph over this battle of the bulge and inspires others along the way. I have accepted I have a problem and am eager to change. I've failed many attempts over many years. What will make it any different this time? I don’t know? What I do know, is that I do not choose to be fat, being fat is instead about the choices I haven’t been making.

I can’t promise the reading from here on in will be in anyway stimulating or profound. However if thus far you’ve fought the urge to whip off your fat pants and hang yourself, I commend you and challenge you to meet me here often. 


If you want, we could make a pact to do this together, go on I dare you…put down the fork and step away from the buffet…

Later Taters xxx