My gorgeous friend Charlotte
This was one of the rewards I had on my list for my 10kg milestones. I
decided in order to justify to myself that I wasn’t cheating I would reduce my
weight loss goals to 5kgs. I had already been thinking of doing this in an
effort to motivate myself again, it’s taken me months so far and I’ve still not
reached my first 10kg goal. Having already lost over 5kg I was able to use
today as a validation of that loss. Charlotte said I should be proud of what I
had achieved, regardless of how long it’s taken. Days earlier she’d sent a link
through facebook to help me visualize just how much I’ve lost so far. I guess
I’m just used to going on extreme diets which initially yield fast and
substantial results, though they are only temporary and short lived.
It started with refreshments and a foot soak, then Jenni and I were led
to another room where we laid on beds, adorning sleep masks and listened to sleepy
time music. What came next was a feeling so moving that it is comparable only to
my first nibble on a piece of original recipe KFC. It was a divine and blissful
experience and one I’d missed. Going back a few years ago I used to often treat
myself to such luxuries. Acrylic nails, gel toes, spray tans, waxing and
frequent visits to the hairdresser were things I most liked to splurge on. This
was the first pedi I’d had in 7 years, it’s been over 2 years since I’ve been
to the hairdresser and 1 year since I’ve gotten my bikini waxed, eek can anyone
say Sascrotch?
Shamefully I have struggled to reach my toes and at times even had to
ask Jenni to paint them for me to save me from the awkward and laborious job.
Equally I am ashamed and too embarrassed to get waxed anymore, worried that
I’ll be judged for my overhanging belly and overlapping thighs! That the beautician might recoil with disgust and wonder to herself why I would bother?
I avoid buying nice clothes and cute underwear anymore and I no longer
wear make-up or do my hair because I don’t feel I deserve it. What’s the point
in trying to dress up such an ugly situation? The effort would ultimately be in
vain, wasted and foolish. Working in a pharmacy I have accumulated many skin
and beauty products but never use them… saving them instead for when it might
be worthwhile. That time just never comes. I can't believe this is me? I'm 27, full of self loathing and skewed perception, too scared to put myself out there and aiming only to keep peoples expectations of me as low as possible. This can't go on, I deserve better.
Look at my beautiful toes.
*Image
See the link Charlotte sent me; perhaps it will help you comprehend your
own weight loss successes no matter how small it may seem on the scale.
You do deserve better Aims! You are such a beautiful person, inside & out. The first thing I thought when I met you at our audition was "she'll definately get in, she's stunning!"....and you are. I only wish you could see it. I know how you feel though, as I feel the same way about myself. We will just continue to encourage and motivate each other until we get to our goals, and then hopefully we can both feel beautiful. I often think about our "finale".......we can go and get our hair and nails done for that.......dunno about the wax job though, haha! xx
ReplyDeleteThanks sweet girl, am so glad I can share this journey with you and can't wait to reach our "finale" together, we deserve it.
ReplyDeleteFor now though I am going to use my rewards to try and feel beautiful until I don't have to TRY anymore and just do. I might just have to start working on that from my toes up :)