When you just can't find the words...

It’s Saturday and the end of my first week of holidays. It’s been a while since I’ve written… again. I don’t really have a reason except for life getting in the way. But then that’s just an excuse isn’t it. We all know that if we really wanted to do something we would find the time. If I really wanted to write, I would have. I think this brings me to the realisation that yet again fear has got in the way. I’m afraid of a lot of things, some of which are of the creepy crawly, bump in the night, monster under the bed variety (usually reserved for 5 year olds), and some are more grown up and self-deprecatory. What if people don’t like me? What if I’m not good enough? What if … The list just goes on! But there they all are, bubbling under the surface, pushing each other around and fighting for room, disguised by broad smiles, exaggerated laughter and over compensating body language.

For now though, here in this space I will try to put aside my fears of inadequacy. I will ignore the “If I can’t do it well, don’t bother doing it at all” mentality and make writing a priority. So what if my words aren’t profound, intelligent or witty? These are MY words; they are an insight into MY nonsensical mind and a translation of MY clumsy emotions. They are an accurate description of my journey to better health regardless of their entertainment value. I’ve decided to make the same promise with this attempt to lose weight. It may not be fast, perfect, or consistent, but I will make it a priority. I want this time to be the time I succeed and I want to document it so I can prove it to myself later. 

Now all that being said I need to remind myself that actions speak louder than words. If I could burn calories just talking about losing weight, I’d have reached goal years ago. Funnily enough I’m not the type who looks for motivational quotes to find inspiration. I’m not sure why? In previous blog entries I’ve thrown one or two around on occasion if they really speak to me. I find sometimes they’re a little overused, hang on not that’s not really it, I think what I mean is that they seem thrown around without due care. On Facebook they are littered all over my news feed every day and as a result I’ve become a little desensitised to what the words actually mean, I don’t stop to reflect on how they translate to me. Terri has them written on post it’s scattered around her bathroom mirror and I enjoy seeing them, mostly because they are a reminder to me that this journey is just as important to her, and that like me she’s searching for something to help push her on from time to time.

I’ve spent a few hours today pouring over Megan’s trail blog, it’s been an interesting and inspiring insight into her life BM (Before Me), and I feel like I know her a little better today. On her blog she began each post with a quote. The more I read on, the more each quote provides me with a little clue to what she was experiencing and how she was feeling and for the first time in a long time inspiration has been felt.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes" - Marcel Proust